The Vicious Cycle Grand Finale -- 1

1

I never thought that this sick vicious cycle in which he and I used to dance would end in such a way. Not that I never had a premonition, or nightmares of what might happen one day. Still, I somehow never expected it.

It's dark and cold. The gray walls that surround me are carved with white chalk stripes and ingenious phrases. The little amount of light that comes from the outside through a small window, illuminates the metal toilet that obviously hasn't been cleaned in a while.

Sitting on the stone cold floor with my back against the wall, my knees pulled close to my body and my hands folded under my knee pits, I cradle myself back and forth. Thoughts of insanity and vague memories are flashing by while holding my head between my knees. My heart is pounding in my throat and I'm hyperventilating.

"This isn't really happening... This isn't really happening...."

A vague surreal memory haunts me. We're siting in the living room, my boyfriend, our roommates and I. There's wine and snacks on the table. He and his friends are sitting around the table while I do the dishes. Their voices echoe, I somehow don't understand what they are saying. Everything is so blurry. I slowely reach for the top shelf where the wine glasses stand and grab one of them. Then I approach the table and I sit down and pour myself some wine.

He looks at me. I recognize the irritation in his eyes. I can feel my palms become sweaty as I carefully take a sip.

The flashback ends abruptly. Someones banging on the heavy door. I have trouble opening my eyes, it's like they're on fire.

I look up and all I see in a blur is a bright light filling the small space and a man in a uniform standing in the doorway.


to be continued...